My current emotional state

I'm like a deep water...calm on the surface but turbulent underneath.

Am I in love? I don't know. But for sure I am infatuated with someone right now and it is scary.

We are not in an exclusive relationship yet and I don't know if it will ever happen...there is just a possibility and I want to prepare myself for it.

It kinda sucks sometimes because I get jealous. And I don't usually get jealous or obsessive...but of course I don't let him see that I'm jealous or obsessive (I usually play it cool). I just get jealous sometimes when girls give him comments or when he comments to other girls on fb and I just can't help feeling hurt (is that normal?).

I don't like this feeling...that is why I have avoided falling in love because in the end after all the efforts...the emotion I go through I would just be rejected in the end...oh the pain (not just in my heart but on my ego as well)

And what's so enjoyable being in the state of infatuation? who enjoys sleepless nights? who enjoys getting out of focus because you can't help thinking about him? the yearning to be with him again? the "missing"? If I don't have a job and I have tons of money saved I would go back there again and stay there for a very long time.

I'm crazy. Quick! Give me a lobotomy!