sudden craving to work elsewhere

i seriously wanted to work to another country. i just wanted to get out of this country, not for anything else but for me.

i wanted new surroundings, work with new things, work with new people. i wanted to work in a place where no one knows me. i love my family and friends and am currently enjoying the relationship i have with my co-workers, i like my job despite the challenges but i just felt the need to just go somewhere very far away.

i just wish i'm equipped enough to work abroad.

someone hire me please!

too many contradictions...making things too complicated for me (i know)

it took me a friend, 3 weeks of cough and colds, and a sex and the city movie for me to realize that i shouldn't give up on the one thing that could possibly ever make me happy...and no it's not just chocolates.

everytime i would get my heart break i always take a note to self that men cannot be trusted...they're incapable of loving and are infidels...i have proven this to what seems a thousand times. i have let my heart been broken over and over again. well it's not entirely their fault...i must admit it takes two to tango...probably one of the reasons why it never worked is that i'm too afraid to get hurt to take the courage and just take a leap allow myself to fall in love.

it's always the case that when i found out that i'm in love the guy is already off with another girl. too late to fight too afraid to fight because the feeling is that it's not worth it anymore...or probably because i was never in love in the first place so why bother fighting...i'm trying to put logic in this but i can't. the other side of my brain is saying one thing and the other side is saying another thing. i just can't make up my mind.

all these things i am writing down is all gibberish. i thought i realized something and then lost it...again.

i was supposed to say that i am fully aware of my issues...after the introductory seminar i attended months ago that should be life changing. i even shared this to a friend and the other night she reminded me again of the realizations i had. i know i'm back in my shithole again. it's more comfortable, it's effortless to go back because i know they're always available and willing.

it's hard work. i'm tired of working hard. i'm even thinking of going somewhere...out of this country...not in the americas probably in europe or middle east....just to have a different surrounding and people.

why is it that it takes years, suffering, hard work and tears to get where i wanted to be? does it really take this much? why can't it just flow like air or water?

babang luksa

eksaktong isang taon nang mamaalam si mama.
eksaktong isang taon ko nang naiisip kung umuwi lang sana ako ng maaga, kung sana ay di na lang ako pumasok, kung sana ay dinala na namin sana sya sa ospital kahapon pa lang...

nakakalungkot, masakit isipin pa rin.

may mga bagay na nahiling na hindi naibigay tulad ng pagbibiyahe sa kung saan mang lugar nang kaming dalawa lang o ng pagbibigay ng kaligayahan na maranasan niya ang magkaroon ng apo. mga bagay na hindi ko na maibibigay.

mga yakap at halik na di ko na matatanggap. mga salita, payo, tagubilin at away na di ko na maririnig.

miss na miss ko na ang mama ko :(

sana magkita ulit tayo.

:(

i just feel so sad today. i wanted to cry so bad but i can't.

i wanted to just stare blankly to whatever.

the weather and my health condition is uncooperative.

i wanted to go somewhere where either i can be alone or with friends to get him off of my mind.

he was never mine in the first place and so i should not be feeling this way but i feel really sad.

what should i do?

Sucks to be me.

When friends around you start getting hooked up, are planning to get married, or had a new baby, you can't help wonder when are these things going to happen to you. You get impatient, you suddenly feel lonely, then sad, then pathetic and then do things you thought would somehow fill out the void inside of you.

I just received a sad news today. I learned from a common friend that, Frank, whom I am hoping to be my one and only, decided to commit (I have to admit I was kind of hurt. I can feel the blood going up my brains and I was about to hyperventilate if not for my nagging cough). Months ago, we broke off our exclusively dating status because he said he wasn't ready at the time to commit and he doesn't want the idea of a long distance relationship. It was the "it's me, not you" case. Timing wasn't just perfect.

Sometimes I think love happens not because it's the right person but because of perfect timing. It felt right at the time with a person and not it felt right with the person at any given time. If so, it's best to wait for the perfect time and not wait for the perfect person. Does this make any sense?

Time.

I am more and more feeling that I am running out of time...as what my brother would say "naiiwanan ka na ng biyahe". The "bus" may as well have already left the building. What's the point of waiting?

I am getting more convinced that there really is no one out there for me. He may as well be, as mentioned in the previous post, probably "somewhere out there, in another galaxy or different dimension" and it would probably take me 100 life times before we could meet. He might need to create a technology that can warp from space to space, from time to time or from dimension to dimension.

Another thing that sucks is that you are convinced that by using your will power, the freedom to create opportunities, you don't have to wait anymore. I had a discussion last night with friends that our destiny is predetermined. I strongly contested the idea because I always believe that "destiny lies not in the stars but in our hands". Besides if this is true, there is no sense in experiencing suffering, pain and joy if the outcome is still going to be the same. Why the hell would I make the effort then if nothing can change my destiny. I can just sit back relax and let things happen. Anyway, we know we're all going down to a predetermined destiny.

That sucks.

Right now, with the things happening, I'm thinking that I will grow old alone.

This really sucks.



To Frank, I love you but I have to cut all the electronic ties that bind us because I don't want to be tempted ever to view your profile and see you change your relationship status.

Love sucks.

I'm sick of...

being sick and tired most of the time.

If only I can trade my throat for new ones. Been barking like a dog for more than a week now...antibiotics and antitussive drugs doesn't seen to work.

Why is it that whenever my birthday is just around the corner I get sick?

I'm so fucking hating this.

Isang nakakasukang balita

Estrada-Binay for Pres and VP respectively??? elch nakakasuka! ( really really hope and pray that the supreme court would rule against Estrada. This country doesn't deserve a convicted president!!!Better yet...there should be a mandate that ex-cons can't run for presidency as moral grounds)

Chiz Escudero for President tangena e wala naman ginawa sa senado ang hayup na yan e...puro daldal lang. elch...

Sus ginuu ano na nangyayari sa Pilipinas? Incompetent people want to run the country!!!

God help us!!!

My Sky Diving Experience Aug 10, 2009

Ako ngayo'y lumilipad at nasa langit na. Gusto mo bang sumama?

White Russian

Would love to have a white russian tonight...with cherry.

Been craving it since yesterday. Bailey's would be fine too...or a chocolate mudshaker...arctic vodka would also be very nice.

Nice company when Pepeng (aka Parma) touch base...together with my guitar singing the typhoon away.

Working towards financial freedom

One of the steps I did to working towards financial freedom is to cut credit cards one at a time.

I have this concept that I'm financially free if I have no need for credit cards.

So there.

Dr. House - "Insensitive"

The following are my thoughts on the below excerpts from the episode "Insensitive".

I'm not saying I'm afraid of commitment, it's just that for me, it's a too big responsibility...more than I think I can handle right now. I know what it's like and it's not easy.

"[Cut to lab. Cameron and Foreman are running tests.]

Cameron: Past 3 a.m. on Valentine’s Day night. I assume you had a date with Wendy.

Foreman: She’ll survive. She knows the deal.

Cameron: You’re lucky.

Foreman: I know.

Cameron: Someday, when there's time, I would like to actually have a social life.

Foreman: Someday? Come on. If there's one thing a good-looking woman can have whenever she wants, it's a social life.

Cameron: You mean a sex life.

Foreman: There's nothing wrong with a little companionship 'til the real thing comes along.

Cameron: I had the real thing. Forgive me if I don't want to settle.

Foreman: Right.

Cameron: What does that mean?

Foreman: Nothing.

Cameron: You think I didn't have the real thing?

Foreman: I have no idea what you had.

Cameron: And yet you're judging it.

Foreman: It's late. I'm cranky. Sorry.

Cameron: I didn't have the real thing. How could you even know?

Foreman: You married a dying man. You thought six months, a year, it'll be tough. But then I'll recover and I'll have the rest of my life. It's like willingly getting the flu or joining the Peace Corps. Short term.

Cameron: Wow, you nailed it. It was basically like a wasted weekend.

Foreman: The sacrifices you made were huge. But they were at the height of your love for him. Commitment is only commitment because it has no expiration date. You stand next to someone and watch them floss for 30 years like my parents have, then ask for sacrifices. That's how you know the real thing. Cameron, I wasn't criticizing you. People who avoid commitment are people who know what a big thing it is."


I believe that the guy who is meant for me...my one true love is out there somewhere. So, for the meantime I'm going to make myself busy with other people until he finds me.

"Cameron: A holiday that only applies to people who are already paired up. For everyone else it's Wednesday.

Chase: Wow. Thank you for that dash of cold water.

Cameron: Don't get me wrong. I still think true love's out there it's just very far away. Possibly in another galaxy. We may need to develop faster than light travel before we can make contact. (They walk outside) So I'm thinking we should have sex.

Chase: That makes sense.

Cameron: Despite the wisdom of pop songs. there's no point in putting our lives on hold 'til love comes along. We're both healthy and busy people. We work together so it's convenient.

Chase: Like microwave pizza?

Cameron: And of all the people I work with, you're the one I'm least likely to fall in love with.

Chase: Like… microwave pizza.

Cameron: The point here is to make things simpler, not more complicated. Someday there'll be time to get serious about someone. Meanwhile, we already had sex once and didn't get weird about it. So…

Chase: I get it. I get it. So, what if I'm offended by your judgment.

Cameron: Then you're not the man I'm looking for. (She walks off, he smiles and follows.)"

Dive Devil at Magic Mountain in LA

The first fall was really awesome!!!

Dreaming of mother...

I know my mother is happy wherever she is...in the loving arms of God.

From time to time she would visit us through dreams. My father, my brothers, my cousins...even my Aunt would dream about her. In our dreams she would always seem to be very alive, very happy and very healthy. She's beautiful like she is in her prime and very radiant.

I was approached by my Aunt-in-law...my mom's first cousin's wife. She called out to me...and I was looking for her husband....but before that I was about to go home to get an umbrella when I saw my brother (with an umbrella) heading for the computer shop. Coincidence? I don't know.

She was almost in tears. She was telling me she couldn't talk because she was about to cry. I calmed her down and put my arms on her shoulder. I gave her the album my uncle asked of me and we head to her house.

I was thinking, is there something wrong with my uncle?

I waited for her to clear her throat and wipe her tears to tell me what she needs to tell me.

"I saw your mom in my dreams a week ago. She asked me to ask you how you are and whatever your plans are just go ahead with it...you have her blessing"

I don't know how to react to it and I don't know which plan she is talking about. I just said thank you and "ok lang yan". I went out of the house because a customer was already waiting for her.

I've been making some plans in the past months. My aunt and uncle are trying to convince me to move to the US. A friend offered me to work in her company and there's a possibility that I'll be going out of the country. I've also been planning to take my brothers out of the country to just spend time with them.


Hmmm...seems to have something to do with going out of the country.


I just remembered...she also said that if I plan to work to another country then I should go for it.

But then again, it's just a dream right?

Setyembre a-uno

i'd like to think that every time i would see his face on the left side of my profile page, it means he has recently viewed my profile.

if only i have the guts to tell him "hey, frank, i feel i'm in love with you...at least i really really think i like you a lot"

i have this really great idea of a relationship, of family, of having kids...and i do want that in my life sometime...but now...i'm not yet certain if i am willing to give up the freedom i have. i always feel the need to do more before i settle down.

for sure i would be very happy if all those great ideas would materialize...

do i want to give up my freedom now or do i want to be happy now?

=======================================================================================

it's september 1. first day of the -ber months. wasn't able to get yet my first Christmas carol for the year. and since election is coming up really fast...i am wondering if carolers would have an early singing sprint (as early as October)..to raise funds for the elections?

...

i still miss frank :( hay.

Rain falling on makati building

Shot taken on one rainy night in July '09. I forgot which date.

I used my Sony Ericsson Z310i for this.

San Diego Bay Area

This is one of my favorite shots. I was lucky to get a shot of the light house. Overlooking is San Diego downtown and Coronado Bridge from Sheraton Hotel in North Harbor.

This picture was taken on August 10, 2009.

Go ahead! Dare to ask!

One of the things I learned in this life is if you want something, be humble enough to ask for it.

No matter what it is, be thick faced and ask for it. There's nothing to loose and you have a bigger probability that you will get or receive what you ask for.

So go ahead, dare to ask!

Carpe diem!

although i'm shy to assert myself most of the time hehehe...

Lotus 2 12-28-2009

@ Jojo's house

Lotus 1 12-28-2009

@ Jojo's house