Take it back

I don't understand why I should keep on waiting. I don't understand why you are not replying to any of my messages. Did I do something wrong? Did I offend you in any way? Did my previous lifestyle disgust you? I never lied to you. I never pretended to be anyone else but myself. I never pretended to be innocent.

Every time I go out with a different guy, I always think of you. There is not one day that has passed that I did not think about you.

The other night I was with a guy that I previously dated. He was before you. He asked me out for a dinner and a few drinks. After dinner, he took me home to my place and pretended that he needed to use my bathroom because he could no longer hold his pee. When I took him to the door, he started kissing me. I kissed back. I kissed back but all I think of is you.

I entertained the idea of doing it with him because I know that what we had doesn't mean anything to you. You said you cannot commit. So why do I have to wait for you and be exclusive to you? But I just couldn't do it. I hate you for that.

I hate you for wanting you more than I expected. Now, how do I get myself back to the place I was before?

You changed me. What do I do now with this new self?