Edited: September 18, 2012 (as I felt that I have abruptly ended this)

When it rains it pours...I guess the saying goes can be the same for guys. When you want them, they're not around...when you have someone, they come after you like crazy.

So I'm making an effort to date this guy exclusively...and no we did not talk about it. I just decided that I will be exclusive to him.

Maybe it's hormones or stress? I don't know. I'm just not in the mood to date other guys...but I'm super excited to see him it hurts. You know what I mean? Like if only I can arrange his work schedule for my benefit, I would. Like if plane travel is as cheap as jeepney travel, I'd be wherever he is.

So what is my love life status? Still zero. But honestly, I am super liking this guy...I even asked my friends how would they know that they're already in love? In my experience, I always find it out too late...the guy's already gone.

So how do you know?

Here is what I have observed if I'm really into the guy:

1. I'm shy...and that almost does not happen when I'm with someone I don't like. I come on too strong and confident actually to the point that they'd just leave because they're too scared to face me.

2. What's with my grammar? e.g. "did sent" "did told" the fuck!? I know I'm articulate, (well at least some of the participants who attended my seminar told me) What the hell is going on with my brain? Does this mean that sometimes girls can become dumb when they're with a guy they super like? Just like men, who performs relatively poorly in an exam when a beautiful lady would proctor the exam.

3. In relation to the above -- what's with the twisted tongue? A simple "Sure I'd love to have dinner with you" would sound like "Ser love to hab der you"

4. I have this urge that I want to do stuff for him e.g. cook for him, give him a massage. This sounds a bit kinky though. Like what you see in a bdsm kind of porn movies...the master and the servant...

5. I constantly want to have any form of communication. But I am trying to control myself very hard in sending BBM or text messages.

6. I google him. I want to know everything about the guy. Now funny thing is I tried googling this guy and couldn't find any information about him...which makes me wonder. He is either 1) not using his real name because he probably knows that i will google him and find stuff he doesn't want me to know about like he's married or 2) He's not really a CIO of that dairy company because I couldn't find that position in that company and 3) He has this bot program wherein any information about you in the Internet will be deleted...talk about effort to hide your true identity....I guess I go for number 1 or 2.....err....I was away for a bit because I still am trying to google him hahaha pathetic.

7. I always have this urge to ran away....to not see him again...to say goodbye...and then I'd cry hoping that he would see way past my stubborn self. It's a bit odd isn't? Maybe this is so because he has the capacity to hurt me immensely. So it's a risk between being extremely happy or suffer a (almost) decade of pain...which happened to one of my ex-bfs....scary shit...it just turns your values upside down.

In the end, I still don't know.

It's easy to say I'm in-love or I'm infatuated because I'm definitely physically and cognitively attracted to him. 

I'm still in the process of finding that out. Love is a tedious process. It doesn't happen overnight. It takes a lot of patience and a lot of getting to know each other (which I don't have the luxury of doing it now). It takes a lot of trust and honesty...and acceptance...acceptance of what he is in the past, what he is now and what he will become in the future...