How should we live? 18 rules of living by the Dalai Lama

There are moments when you think about yourself and the things that you have accomplished in the past years, your experiences, the mistakes you make again and again and those what could have been's.

I try to reflect, usually on my birthday or during holy week, the meaning of life for me. I always question my purpose on this earth. Am I here just to work 9-10 hours for 5-6 days a week for the rest of my life? Do I only just hang out with my family or friends, watch a movie, cook, exercise after work, travel from time to time and meet with people of different nationalities and cultural background?

My life is definitely not boring but there are time that it is and during those boring moments I find myself asking "Is there more to life than what I have right now?" and "Can my life get any better than this?".

Given that I perform benchmarking for companies on salaries and best practices, I thought why not benchmark my life with something....like a standard or a guide and see if I am truly living.

And so I found this 18 Rules for Living by the Dalai Lama:

Basically, the rules revolve around these 3 fundamental rules:

• Respect for self
• Respect for others
• Responsibility for all your actions

It's much like the 2 commandments of Jesus in the New Testament book - a summary of the 10 commandments by God given to Moses in Mt. Sinai. But I find the 18 rules more "friendly"...it doesn't have scary command like that of the 10 Commandments:

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you have made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge, it’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year go someplace you have never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Now, to compare my life with the rules above:

1. Check! I have risked to love someone and ended up losing that person and cried for almost a decade. For non-relationship matters, I took a risk but I haven't seen the fruits of that risk...yet
2. The problem with this one is I have a tendency to forget. I'm forgetful. Just like the entire Filipino nation when they forgot what this politician did to the country during election time. People still vote for the wrong persons. But for other matters, I'm sure I've learned my lessons.
3. Hard to do this really. Especially when you have so much annoyance over a person. It's a work in progress
4. True! The reason it didn't happen is because there is something better that's going to come along.
5. I cannot relate yet.
6. Little disputes are manageable and I think it's healthy or normal for friends to have that but a big dispute like when your friend betrays you that means F.O.
7. Check! I do apologize and say sorry (in my own way) for mistakes made to another person and most of the time I provide countermeasures to prevent things from getting worse.
8. I do. Especially when I'm in the bathroom....just kidding. But I do this, not regularly though. I either just stay inside my room or go to a chapel for a few minutes of alone time with God.
9. I opened my arms to change and it changed me...a lot (as compared to when I was in high school). I guess when you change it is inevitable that some of your values and principles will change...your outlook in life changes and that gives you a realization of what values and principles you would really uphold and are unbreakable.
10. I agree to this. And I find myself doing this especially when I'm angry, because hurtful words can also cause wounds...to the heart. And I find myself carefully choosing my words before saying it. Because sometimes I say a lot of things out of anger.
11. Trying. Hard.
12. I think I have a loving atmosphere at home. It may not always be perfect and I may not always be quiet when I see something wrong but I am glad the channels of communication are always open. My parents are able to create a safe and loving atmosphere that we never felt insecure.
13. Check. Anyways, I wouldn't remember about the past anyways.
14. A work in progress!
15. I have a plant that I use to decorate my bathroom. I always talk to her and when I think she's getting too crowded in her pot, I asked my aunt to transfer her to a bigger pot so she could grow bigger. I refuse plastic especially if I have only one item. I use a pail when taking a bath so I wouldn't be wasting too much water. I reuse and recycle stuff.
16. I think I've been doing this since 2009. In 2009, I went to Jamul, Escondido in the US and Mexicali in Mexico, I went to Roxas City in Capiz (I know I've been here before, but I felt like it's my first time), I went to Subic beach with a friend. In 2010, it's my first time to go to Seoul, South Korea, Macau, and a part of Guimaras island. In 2011, Chiang Mai Thailand, Sorsogon (for the whale shark interaction), and Batanes. In 2012, I went to Singapore, and Boracay. And in 2013, I went to Puerto Galera, Talim Island (for the solar power for fish farming project), and coming soon to Bangkok, Thailand and Siem Reap, Cambodia
17. I have yet to find out.
18. Work in progress.

Given the items above, seems I have work cut out for myself. Like what my friend told me, "as long as we are living, we still have hope". I still have hope to really "make a living"!

A Valentine's Date

I said, "oh and happy Valentine's!".

He replied with, "I'm not a big believer of Valentine's day..everyday should be Valentine's day"

I replied with "Yeah, just like Christmas...it's actually funny to think that people say "happy" to Valentine's day when he died on that day because of martyrdom...it's like saying happy death anniversary"

"True. Best to ignore and save the flower money for another day..."

Honestly, it would be nice to get flowers sometimes...especially when you see most girls getting it that day.

Oh well.

Later that evening, we went to Mr. Rockefeller, had some oyster rockefeller, gambas and risotto and iced tea and then after went to see Nicholas Sparks' Safe Haven. It was a feel good movie. I felt really good watching it.

When I got into my bedroom, I patted myself on the back and said, "It was a good date" :D

P.S.:
If he was physically here, I wonder if he would take me out for dinner on Valentine's day.

Fact:
I have never dated anyone on Valentine's day nor have I ever dated anyone to celebrate Valentine's day.

Random churvaloos

Waiting
Dec. 18, 2011

While waiting for my turn at the toilet at a restaurant, the guy behind me said, "waiting."

i said, "yeah." i thought that's what we actually do most of our lives. waiting.

waiting for something exciting to happen, waiting for the next big thing, the next birthday, the next Christmas, next job, next love...


Qumoquotable quotes:
Dec 23, 2011

Gay friend: you like kakanin ha (because i'm going to make suman)san ka kukuha ng roasted beef?

Me: it's tradition...sa palengke...bibili ako tapos gagawin ko may recipe naman

GF: pwede ba akong makipamasko sa iyo...sabay sleep over ako sa place mo

Me: sure!

GF: adopt a friend program ka

Me: you are very welcome. isasama pa kita habang mamamasko sa mga lola ko

GF: yan ang gusto ko sa iyo eh. love na love mo ako hahaha buti na lang nde ako straight chenelar hahaha

Me: hahaha. if straight guys would know me like you know me...you think they'd fall in love? hahahaa

GF: oo naman. mapag mahal ka naman and you give it all. so why not?

Me: too bad lang they didn't stay long to get to know me like you do
hahaha parang pang ending quote of the year lang hahaha

sauna incident

You know how your instincts work when you are in danger? That feeling that you should get out of the situation while you still can?

Good thing I did not faint in the sauna. I did throw up some saliva and water but I was fine after a few minutes. Whew. That was close. I thought people would just find me lying on the sauna floor.

It is the first time that that happened to me. I've been going there several times after my swim -- 30 laps in a 20 meter pool. I should not have stayed longer than I should.

Oh well another lesson learned. Thank God I did not totally fainted.

32 years of existence in this world...

and what does it feel like? i feel awesome now! i feel good. i feel satisfied but i feel that there is more to come...more experiences and more adventures.

i refuse to not LIVE the rest of my life.

I'm less than half way to go considering the life expectancy of Filipino women (which is projected at 72 years by the way).

i've been doing the things i love...it may be hurting my pocket sometimes but what the heck, i'm living!!!

p.s. good to note that i'm not sick on my birthday. i was always sick the previous years.

Change

I have asked for a change in my life under my breath. I have wished to go to Africa and work there...under my breath. I didn't know that God's ears was very sharp that he can hear prayers and wishes under my breath.

Now, I have the chance to make changes...major changes. The question is, am I brave enough to take it. Oh Lord...mother...help me decide.

Let's celebrate and have a good time! :D

What day is a working day that feels like a non-working holiday?

- a payday Friday where all your superiors are on vacation leave, no report deadlines and you have no client meetings the whole day!

Happy weekend everyone! :D

My twisted mind

I believe in reincarnation and I always justify killing ants, cockroaches, rodents, mosquitoes and flies as an act of kindness (although it may have a bad karmic effect on my side). I'm thinking they probably don't want to live as pests. Anyway, I'm sure they'll be reincarnated to a "superior" living thing, not necessarily human by the way, a sycamore perhaps?

Now, how to justify killing human "pests".

On a different topic...

Funny how some guys in 'Pinas are nicknamed "pogi" (handsome) when by local and international standards they are not. The street urchin who has not showered for weeks would look more outstanding. However, there are few exceptions, of course. Only 1 out of 3 people I know is living up to his nickname.

Don't they (or their friends) shiver every time they are called by their nickname?

Last night, I was feeling like I had enough of everything...of everything insane that I have been doing for the past years.

I was wishing, while it was pouring hard last night, that the rain would wash me of the filth that I have coated myself in the past years. The filth that I used to cover the pain, to build the mask...the thing that I used to create a different personality...to push the limits of my morale and values...and the eradication of the good principles and beliefs I had when I was still innocent and naive.

I was walking for three blocks from where I came. I was thinking "Damn, I should not have wasted my time in that fucking place". However I think at that time, I think it did me good. Having time alone again to think...to reflect on what has been happening...is always good. How do I stop this? How do I get back to the place I was before? When everything is simple and uncomplicated? I was mentally fighting with myself. I was convincing myself that what I'm doing now is not complicated...it is simple in fact...it would lessen heart aches. But it is slowly killing me...it is slowly creating an intolerance to having genuine long lasting feelings of love.

I couldn't find a cab home so I walked 4 blocks. I was still fighting with myself even when I got home and about to sleep, I'm still having my internal battles. Everyone experience this several times in their lives and I'm no exception. The question is when do I stop and decide finally.

Oh it's so much fun still to be doing the things I do but until when?

When I was about to slid to dream land. I can hear myself say to myself, don't worry there's still tomorrow to change...there's still hope.

ive been asking myself more and more these past days...what's the purpose of my existence? why am i still here? what am i working for?

there's this sadness that i can't explain am i missing someone so badly? my mom?

control destiny

wondering why despite the opportunities being created, the want and the need seem to be not fulfilled.

i'm beginning to think that some things are beyond my control...and should be left to destiny.

this is a baffling realization


(12/10/2009)....but then again, i'm just being too picky.

Mantra for the year and the next years...

Everyone, please chant this mantra:

"Destiny lies NOT in the stars but in OURSELVES"

Take things as it is, do not make any interpretations and do not over analyze. It's nothing but pure coincidence. It's a free country.

seriously, at what age does a girl become a dalaga (lady)???

relatives have been telling me that "uy dalaga na siya" (she's now a dalaga) whenever they would see me wearing a skirt, heels or wearing make-up.

so a dalaga would mean any girl or woman of any age who is wearing a skirt, high heels shoes and make-up a dalaga??? a 4-year old wearing skirt and a bit of make-up means she's a dalaga??? Come on!!! It's getting very very very annoying already.

"Uy dalaga na siya" response is replacing "Hi! Hello! Kamusta ka na?!"

relatives please stop as in NOW. i'm almost 31 years old and you've been telling me "uy dalaga na sya" for over 15 years now.

GRRRRRR!!!!!

babang luksa

eksaktong isang taon nang mamaalam si mama.
eksaktong isang taon ko nang naiisip kung umuwi lang sana ako ng maaga, kung sana ay di na lang ako pumasok, kung sana ay dinala na namin sana sya sa ospital kahapon pa lang...

nakakalungkot, masakit isipin pa rin.

may mga bagay na nahiling na hindi naibigay tulad ng pagbibiyahe sa kung saan mang lugar nang kaming dalawa lang o ng pagbibigay ng kaligayahan na maranasan niya ang magkaroon ng apo. mga bagay na hindi ko na maibibigay.

mga yakap at halik na di ko na matatanggap. mga salita, payo, tagubilin at away na di ko na maririnig.

miss na miss ko na ang mama ko :(

sana magkita ulit tayo.

:(

i just feel so sad today. i wanted to cry so bad but i can't.

i wanted to just stare blankly to whatever.

the weather and my health condition is uncooperative.

i wanted to go somewhere where either i can be alone or with friends to get him off of my mind.

he was never mine in the first place and so i should not be feeling this way but i feel really sad.

what should i do?

Thank God for Rainbows!

This morning, while on my way to my client in Alabang, I saw a very beautiful rainbow. It was sooo big, I can't get my eyes off of it.

It felt like I was looking at it for the first time. I can't get the smile off my face. I felt so grateful and thankful to God for creating that rainbow. The sight overwhelmed me. It has touched me so much that I almost cried.

It is telling me that everything's gonna be just fine.

Right before your eyes, I am changing.

The road to transformation

The past years have been a roller coaster ride. I was extremely happy and I was extremely sad. Mostly sad because things didn't turned out the way I wanted it to be. Sad because I lost the people I love.

I have changed in more ways than one and I don't think I could ever go back to the same person I used to be. I have transformed myself physically, cognitively and emotionally. I made myself more appealing to people and not just intellectually stimulating. I somehow changed my perspectives to that of a guy - to just accept things the way they are, not make too much fuss about it and as much as possible try not to make an over analysis. Get over it-Suck it up-Accept the crap-Leave it-Move on.

I'm not sure if the transformation is good or bad...I'm still trying to figure it out and I am in no way near ending the process. I just started 8 years ago. Am I learning something about these experiences and experimentations? Yes, a whole lot. But at the same time, it has also installed in me a fear (I know it's irrational because of all people I should know best about the danger of generalization but the influx of personal and other people's experience over the years have unintentionally formed some conclusions that I subconsciously use to "protect" myself, ok now I'm rationalizing) when it comes to having relationships.

I feel like I am making myself more insensitive (not strong) by controlling expressions of emotions and by keeping everything, as much as possible, to the cognitive level...even sex. I have learned to change my perspectives over the years to control my reactions and my emotions. The "defense mechanism" is not yet perfect but it's getting there. However, I have a feeling that this is making me less of a woman...even less of a human being. I really don't know (yet). I'm still transforming.

I have attracted several guys in this little experiment of mine. I know I have hurt some of them, I may have contributed to their own transformations and present outlook in life, and I may have even ruined relationships for some in the process (I know I have to pay for this someday or in my next life, it's the Universal Law of Compensation). And for what? For my ego's satisfaction, for adventure, for creating drama, for boredom, for attention, for love, for living the life and for whatever crap. I'm not even considering of having a noble reason for doing the things I do. It's my escapade. It's part of a road to self-discovery and this road or this adventure will only end when I die.

Relasyon relacion relathion relationship

Note: All names are fictitious, of course.

Navy Guy

During the first years of the experimentation, I fell unintentionally head over heels in love with someone for the first time (First I think all "falling in love" is unintentional, I mean I don't even like this guy when we were going out, I was just being nice and friendly. I just woke up one day and realized fuck I'm in love. Second, he is not my first boyfriend, he's my second boyfriend. I didn't really consider my first boyfriend as significant because it was more of a result of peer pressure or trend like fashion). I would have gone to the moon and back with Navy guy. I was overly optimistic. I have proven that love can actually make people blind. I was truly convinced that he and I would be together forever at 22. But happiness is not permanent, love - at least our love - cannot withstand the miles between us and because of the loneliness and the longing and the proximity of this guy with another girl (which is very very short), it is only a matter of time before everything would fall out of place. Betrayal is inevitable in the kind of relationship we had (and in most of my romantic and platonic relationships) and so, before my eyes, I saw my world crushed for the first time. Fidelity, loyalty, honesty, and commitment are only for the strong. I remained strong even after almost two years of break up.

It took me almost a decade to get over the Navy guy. I intentionally meet and hook up with people in the hope of quickly getting over this Navy guy (There's Mr. Lion Heart, Mr. I-forgot-his-name, Mr. Shades, The Nurse, Mr. Spidey, and Ford Guy). I thought that having another relationship with another guy would help me move on. I even had a date twice in a day with two different persons. I became desperate and did things my mom for sure wouldn't be too happy to know about.

Mr. Spidey

And then along came Mr. Spidey. I must admit that at first I intended to use him to get over the Navy Guy (I'm so cruel, I know). I intentionally forced to create some romantic feelings for him. It did not succeed in the first try of our relationship. We eventually ended the first series because I cannot stand being with Mr. Spidey if I'm still in love with the Navy guy. (Of course, Mr. Spidey thought that I broke up with him for a different reason, not because of Navy guy). I was struck by my moral conscience. Imagine that! I have a conscience!!!

The second series with Mr. Spidey was more like serendipity. I was totally buying the idea of destiny at this time. Like I was already thinking we're probably meant to be because of this cliché crap "let him go, if he comes back then you're meant to be and if he doesn't he never was".

We met in the oddest of circumstances! Who would have thought that I would be at that place at that day at that time (my building is located South-West of Metro Manila while he lives and works at the Far North East of Metro Manila, it's on a week day, and at like 12-ish in the morning? Yes, we're still working that time...slave to work) The last time I saw him was 2006 (before that probably 2004), and I was actually thinking at the time that I might not be able to go back to the Philippines for at least 5 years. He even thought that I was still in the US because I never sent any messages to him that I'm back in Manila. I mean what's the point of letting him know, I have no intention of getting back at him.

And so there we were, was telling him some of the things new and old. It was a brief exchange of things. I was giving him some crap reasons why I did not let him know I was back (it was more than a year since I came back) and then he asked for my new number. He sent messages. I wasn't really interested but I would reply just to pass time or because I have nothing better to do. We talked on the phone...it took him weeks before he finally got the guts to talk to me on the phone. It took him two months before he asked me to go out...I agreed. He said that he's engaged to be married (I was thinking "...and so?"). He told me that he loved me. He never ceased to love me. I was like awww that's the sweetest thing.
Ford guy and me aren't dating anymore so what the heck. My ego kicked in. At this time, my moral conscience is hibernating. I took advantage of the situation. It's far more challenging to get someone who's already engaged to be married in a matter of 4months (that's what he said). Plus, I've never been in this situation. I was curious. I was excited. I was devious.

My friends would say to me that I am "kupal" emeritus. Yes, I did have the balls to enter a "forbidden" relationship. Most of them wouldn't understand why I'm wasting my time and emotions in that kind of relationship. I told them he's not married yet. He loves me. There’s no law prohibiting an engaged guy to have a relationship with a single female. I'm more like giving the girl a favor; I'm rescuing her from a defective, pseudo-marital life. Right.

There are things that I can learn from all of these. I'm always the one who is betrayed by my boyfriends. Guys who are already married want to date me. I want to understand what's going on inside the heads of these women even if they know that the man they're with are already taken. I just want to experience what it is like to be on the other side of the fence. "You're crazy!" my friends would always say. I know, but it's all in the name of science and ego! I was in a deeper shit than I have imagined. I'm sure karma would hunt me for the rest of my life even to my next life. The relationship did not end on a good note. It's like a bubble that just bursted out of thin air. No more talks, no more goodbyes...it just ended.

Frank

A month and a half later, I met Frank at a friend's birthday party. I can feel that there was an initial attraction. I have decided after the second meeting that I'm going to intentionally let myself fall for this guy. It turned out I was consciously and subconsciously even probably unconsciously really falling for this guy. He's nice, he's really smart, gorgeous, intellectually, physically and sexually stimulating, and funny in his own way...all the necessary things I want in a guy. What more could I ask for?

My mind is reasoning that I should stop myself from falling because of the circumstances we are in would make it difficult for us to have a relationship. My mind has already done calculations of different scenarios and outcomes if we are to have a relationship. The odds are against us. I have convinced myself (and probably Frank) that this is not going to work out (Probably the major thing that about this never going to work out is because we've already decided that it's really not going to work out, and so we did not exerted any more effort than we should to make it happen). Even if my heart would have thought otherwise (You are talking to my brain damnit! Confused? Refer to above topic "Road to Transformation"). He prioritizes his work and career. I prioritize my work and my career too but honestly, I'm willing to trade this for a piece of heaven. It's just so sad that if we are in a different circumstance, my relationship with Frank would have been beautiful.

(...Or probably he's not really that into me that he'd rather work or date other people. Oh fuck, I'm always contradicting myself. I'm not bitter ok?)

I'm just really sad that things did not turn out the way I wanted it to be. It was like breaking up with a real boyfriend. I already think that I am in love with him (so it's not just a feeling of extreme infatuation and of jealousy towards one of his friends, as I would like to think, it's already recognized and accepted in the cognitive level). And it is very rare for me to have those kinds of feelings. I don't get jealous easily and I don't fall in love for anyone easily...it would take me usually months or even years before I would have a crush with any person.

I'm glad that we were able to talk things out unlike my two previous significant relationships. But the thing here is that he never was my boyfriend...and so probably, expectations are set to a minimum. It's clear for the both of us what kind of relationship we have. Actually it was only at the end of that relationship that I fully understood what "exclusively dating" is all about (It was my first time to "exclusively date" a guy)

Ending

People would probably ask me, aren't you tired of riding the roller coaster of life? Of course, I do get tired. I do lose hope from time to time. Who wouldn't? I get tired just by reading this. Imagine, I was a mistress, an fb, and heartbroken (twice)...who wouldn't get tired with this kind of life...and this is just one part of my life. But it doesn't mean that I would stop from taking in more new and old experiences, from taking in more shit from other people, from getting my heart broken over and over and over again. Life would be boring without the challenges, the drama, the love, the excitement, the adventure, even crappy (I'm so fond of using the word crap) people gives spice or (more like bitterness) to life. There's a whole spectrum of events I'm willing to engage in. There's still a lot to learn and to experience out of this life and I want to experience it all (except probably genocide, murder, euthanasia, abortion, synthetic drugs, S&M...).

Marry my son!!!

I don't know what got into the heads of these fathers but 2 of my friend's dad wanted me to either marry their son or become their girlfriend.

Gay Friend

GF: My dad said to me, why don't I marry you? He would be extremely happy if we did. I mean like we're friends. You're the only girl I'm willing to marry. But between the two of us, I'm the one who's going to wear the wedding gown.

ME: Tell your dad that if that happens, if ever we would get married, which I think is uberly utterly super duper mega impossible, the world will crumble to pieces. It's going to be a start of apocalypse. The earth will eat us alive. ....lightning will strike you....

GF: Ok...ok...ok....I get it. It's just a wishful thinking.


Barkada Friend

I kissed my BF's mom goodbye. She was asking me to stay for lunch but I don't want to overstay my welcome.

ME: I have to go. Thank you for letting me stay for the night.

BF: Bye. Thank you for coming over for my birthday (hugs me and gives me a peck on the cheek)

BF's dad: Where's your boyfriend? Someone should take you home.

ME: I just sort of broke up with someone. I don't have a boyfriend.

BF's dad: Why don't you take BF as your boyfriend???? He's free!

BF: Whaaatttt?????

I just smiled and walked away.

Bier!

just got Erdinger beer from my boss...at 2 in the afternoon...makes a recommendation to take it with white sausage through text...while he was just about 5 steps (or less depends on how long your legs are) away from my table....to which i replied "this is going to be my first time to have German beer. thank you po!"...also through text.

funny.

i said "this is a sign!!!" (why the fuck do i automatically think that this is a sign?)...instead of asking why did my boss gave me beer in the afternoon (are we going to have a happy hour at this hour?)...in the office?

do we look overworked? (no...not really, i still have time to blog and fb)

anak ng lekat!