Swirly Bitch

That's what my gay brother called me...a swirly bitch!

And so what if I had sexed with a lot of guys before? And yes yes yes yes...I am taking precautions...we don't want to have HIV or AIDS or what other sexually transmitted diseases out there...nor do I intend to get pregnant anytime soon...I am taking care of myself very well.

Haven't wrote in this blog for a long time...1st because I forgot the freaking password to this blog 2nd because there's nothing really to write..until now and 3rd it is only in the past few weeks or month that my sex life has been active.

My brother has a right to call me a swirly bitch you know...because I'm in a complicated sexual relationship with a man who's marriage license is about to expire in December this year...ergo there is an intention that he will marry the woman anytime this year...but of course he's telling me that he can always renew the license. Yeah right! Renew my fucking ass!

I still like him...he's an old boyfriend. We broke up for reasons that we're not compatible in terms of personality. I think we have different values and perspectives and because we would always fight a lot.

Enough of that.

What is more kupal about this situation...although I do enjoy the sex and that I do really really really like him close to falling in love with him again...is that he is telling me that he wants me more than his fiance and at one point in time I thought he said he is still in love with me after all these years (5 years)...and that he is marrying the girl because it has already been arranged by the family.

Oh well...so my guards are still up. Although I am in the danger of hoping and investing my feelings towards this guy I am still very much aware of the consequences if I hold on to what he is saying to me. Besides probably most of the things he told me are just lip services or just bed talk.

So why am I doing this?

Just for experience. Just to know what it is to be on the other side of the fence (two of my bfs had affairs while we're still together).

So, ito pala yun. You just don't care about the people around you. You don't care if you hurt the girl he's with....anyway i don't know her personally. You don't care about what other people would think about you. You feel slutty. You feel that anytime karma would hound you for the rest of your life....but then again...nauna na yung karma yata.

I am fully aware that what I am doing is wrong and immoral...but so what?! Who gives shit? If I get hurt in the process so be it. I know there is something to learn from this and I want to find that out.