career counseling

last week i had a talk with my former co-worker. i regard him as my friend really and not just a co-worker. we share stuff we don’t normally tell to other people. he’s my specimen for one of my requirements in one of my classes and our objective is to make a career development plan for him.

when we’re done with the career counseling we made some updates on our lives. i was telling him that the other day i was talking to a +/- 50 year old single woman about career. it’s part of an activity in our class. and i was telling him that i was surprised that some women’s ambition, when they were just starting their career, was to get married and have a family. i find this odd. and it somehow bothered me that some women really think like this. it’s not that having a career as a mother and a wife is substandard but i believe you can always have a career outside family life and at the same time taking care of your husband and kids.

then he shared that he and his girlfriend talked about this. one of the reasons why he wanted a career counseling is he felt inferior from his girlfriend for not having a good paying job. his girlfriend has a managerial position in one of the top manufacturing companies here in the philippines and is getting a really good salary and benefits. and he, having no job at all felt the need to have a career plan and become financially independent from his parents.

i asked him, “nakakababa ba talaga sa pagkatao niyo bilang lalake na ang babae ay mas nakaka-angat sa inyo?” he said no! defensively. but he paused and kept silent for a while, thinking about what i said and his reaction to my question. i kept silent and let him talk about it. then he said, “yeah, nakaka-insecure, kasi di ba dapat lalake ang sumusuporta sa babae? saka napag-usapan na namin yan ni girlfriend, sabi ni girlfriend magre-resign daw siya sa trabaho nya pag nag-asawa na kami at magco-concentrate sa family life”.

all i was able to answer was “ok”. but it wasn’t really ok for me. i kept silent about what my thoughts are about it because i felt that it is not my place to say what is right or wrong for them, although i said “sayang ang potential nya.” he did not react to this. and while i was going home, i kept thinking about what happened in the past week, especially with the conversations i had with my classmate and with my friend. and i said to myself, i don’t see myself not having any ambition or any dream or any career. i know there is more to life than getting married and having a family. if you have the potential over something you really wanted to do you shouldn’t stop just because you wanted to get married and have a family or just because it wouldn’t look nice if you’re way ahead, in terms of career, from your husband.

i’ve seen from my friends how family life had changed them. how they looked like a “losyang”. they aged when they got married. and i felt that a part of them got lost when their world started revolving around their family. having a husband and a kid is great but it would also be great to be doing something that would reach your full potential as a person or as an individual. you can always have a career and a family at the same time.

i guess this would also be an issue in counseling for me.