back to school

may 30, 2005 i never thought that talking again in such a big class would terrify me. as in i’m trembling when i was speaking in front of the class…all eyes on me. this is not the first time that i was asked to speak in front of people; in fact, i joined numerous contests and had the opportunity to “sell” myself to other people. i don’t understand why? was it because i’ve been working in front of a computer for a long time (more than 4 years) that i don’t know how to handle myself in such a situation? has my world, my social world, been reduced to people i meet on the cyber world that relating or particularly speaking to a lot of people terrifies me? hmmm…

on another topic...

this question really made me stop and reflect for a while: why are you attracted to the help giving / counseling profession. most of my classmates’ answered they have a need for helping people; it fulfills them and gives meaning to their lives etc. i felt like i don’t belong because my answer was i thought that it’s a good foundation for clinical psychology (because i have plans of taking a doctorate degree in clinical psychology). i always believe that clinical and counseling psychology goes hand in hand. this was my primary reason and the reason “help giving/counseling profession makes me more of a person” is just secondary. i felt like an alien because i think i’m the only one in the group who has a different answer.

in a way it felt good to reflect on the answers because it somehow made me validate the decisions i made in my career, although i’m still trying to figure out some things. and i realized that the major issue that i have in my life is betrayal. and this is something i really need to resolve.